Disclaimer: I aim to offer suggestions for those who have been too scared to mess up that it prevents action, not tell those familiar with advocacy what to do, especially ones apart of marginalized groups I am not.
I don’t have anything groundbreaking to say in this post, however, I wanted to ease into some of the topics to come and encourage people to be more familiar with being uncomfortable. I also wanted to remind people that true allyship is not a one-time event. It is a lifestyle that demonstrates dedication to growing and bringing about real change. This involves a lot of reflection on how you can do better.
Advocating for a Group You Aren’t Apart Of
Accept that you have privilege. That isn't a bad thing, just be sure to acknowledge and use it. You may be queer but benefit from white privilege, for example. Use it.
You will mess up. If you are too afraid of messing up to do anything, you will never do anything. But this is the only way to learn, as cliché as that sounds. For the most part, when people correct you, they are trying to help. Not everyone is trying to attack you. Be honest with yourself and take the time to understand where someone else is coming from, it's the least you can do.
Consider your intentions. Are you doing something to convince yourself and/or others that you're not racist, or to actually advance the fight for justice and equality?
Note: We are all products of a society full of systemic racism, so trying to pretend you have never done anything hurtful to BIPOC is not only pointless but harmful.
Challenge your comfort zone – get comfortable being uncomfortable when your existing beliefs are challenged.
Putting yourself down does not help anyone, but realizing the growth and improvement that can follow is where that thought process can become productive.
If someone says something that you instinctively become defensive about, think about why. What biases do you have that are influencing your perspective?
Remember that when discussing a topic with someone who has lived experience and you don't, it will be much more exhausting for them. It is not up to them to teach you everything.
Getting rid of inequalities in this world will not be solved by one person or specific group of people. It is unfair to put the burden of healing on a marginalized group, but it is necessary for them to be involved to ensure healing is done appropriately. We must work together, there is no other way.
When considering inclusive language, think about the group of people you're actually referring to. For example, when it comes to discussions about abortion, before you say women, is that what you really mean? Do you mean only cis women? Or all people with a uterus? So, you can just say "people with a uterus," because this is inclusive of trans men and nonbinary people.
Advocating for a Group You Are Part Of
Your lived experience will not be consistent with everyone else's. Your word is not truer than others. Acknowledge the intersectional identities others have and how that may result in your different experiences. For example, what privileges do you have that they don't?
Remember that your voice matters. You deserve to be hard.
Get comfortable saying no. It is not on you to teach everyone else. Remember that you are not alone. Take breaks when you need them, we will all still be here when you get back.
A Starting Point
Explore the history and status of the inequalities a particular population faces; acknowledge systemic barriers to justice – this will help you recognize the need for police reform, increased minimum wages, and so on
Call out people around you and keep discussions going
Turn frustrations into action - donate your time and money to organizations you've vetted, write emails to politicians, sign/share petitions, attend protests, vote in elections (no matter how "small"), etc
I hope this was helpful to some extent. There will always be more to learn, so feel free to share your advice with me!
Until next time,
Raquel
References
Melaku, T. M., Beeman, A. Smith, D. G., & Johnson, W. B. (2020). Be a better ally. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2020/11/be-a-better-ally
Oluo, I. (2018). So you want to talk about race. Seal Press.
Vitale, A. S. (2018). The end of policing. Verso Books.
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